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In-Dependence to Independence

There is always that thin line that makes all the difference! A month or so hence, I am here, again with a story from my collection of Notes to Self, hope you like it!

Just yesterday I made a bold Facebook status update - You  know you have arrived in life when you can eat salads @ Barbeque Nation ... yes I could do it. I know its a criminal waste of money but it did teach me something magnificent about my own self and thus, the 1600 + GST was worth it.

I learnt that I am super strong! The control I have over my mind just amazed me and I cant stop re-thinking of every time I thought I was weak.

This piece is not a "Praise thyself and attract more praise" sort of a thing, its meant to awaken the feeling of appreciating that strength in thyself that you never knew.

Not too long ago, I  felt comfortable hiding, be it behind my classmates in 4th grade to avoid the teacher's glance thinking she would ask me to read the lesson or hide my body in layers of over-sized pants to hide my hairy legs and flabby arms. I would shut myself to all the good that was around me and focus on that one nasty comment of a friend at school, a teacher, a relative or some random stranger. The impact of that negative comment was so strong that I believed in it like a nun believes in god or child in his mother. I would just stop trying. The inner me would die a thousand deaths as you know by now, I am a true born Aries - The Star!

I avoided so many opportunities in this process that I practically was successful in screwing up the 30 years of my life. Din't dance in school functions because I was too fat for the stage; din't take up a SOBO college for bachelors because I thought I was not cool enough; din't make friends with the bright kids at MBA because I thought I was not smart enough and din't look for jobs beyond the known because again - I am not good enough. And all this was told to me by a source so insignificant that I may not even remember them by their name.

Yesterday however, when the waiter insisted that I try the fried corn because he thinks its healthy - I said NO! I told him that I know what I want to eat and asked him to let me be (of course very politely so)! This time I dint fall in the trap of over analyzing the situation and worry about this guy, the manager and other guests judging me about the food of my choice. That very moment, I realized that for all these years, I either went into a self-pity mode or an angry - rebellious mode. One small change in my attitude helped me relish that salad with all my heart and enjoy that second serving of that not so glamours carrot soup with a smile!

I completely understand that many of us have our own insecurities (Listed above are not even a quarter of mine) and that I guess is normal, we being human but incidents like yesterday's should be cherished as they help you believe in your own strength.  I have decided to try and document such moments in my life so I have my own treasure of inspirational anecdotes to look up to in times of doubt. After all whats the harm in making your social media feed a bit more positive :)

I raise my glass of nariyal pani as a toast to me! Cheers to new beginnings!!!


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