As a kid I heard stuff like 'change is the only constant' and wondered if it has to change, why waste time trying to do anything about it - Lazy me you see ... ( I am writing a new post after 6+ years, that explains a lot) but today is different, today I had to say it.
This morning when I got dressed up for a friendship day celebration at work (yes I work on Saturdays :( ) I asked Mr. Husband to take a picture of me for my before & after collection (BTW I am on a weight loss cycle again! This time on I am 100% at it) he took a good one with his iPhone 7+ and wallah! I look stunning - to him, of course and to me for the first time in a while! I sent the pic to my sister and she said - Make this your DP... and I was not sure!
I have been conscious of a lot of things in the 30 years being, so much that I would find comfort in hiding behind the crowd, this was perfectly normal till I met my split personality for the first time in school. This split is a center stage personality, demanding, crazy, loves to dance, can't keep the excitement to herself. Imagine the situation!
Coming back, I was again caught up between the conscious me and the me who does not give a damn! The question which keeps haunting is will this stay? If I had a good hair day, some one complements, will my hair stay the same? or will that vanish? Will there be a jinx? I have had several such weight loss cycles and have been flooded with complements even before social media, every time I remember, it has come back! That got me thinking, will this too vanish?
The carefree me won the battle (I posted the picture) but who will win the War?
The war is not with the weight, its with the feeling that I need to fit in. The war is with the thoughts of self hate!
I have or rather many of us have conditioned ourselves to feel less worthy than we are. Some of us feel inferior and hide, while some of us cover up with a mask of a rebel!
As a professional I complain about the typical carrot and stick management style of organisations around but hey, I am doing that to myself! The social media likes and comments are my carrot and the skipped meal after a bad week is the stick! Denial is the next phase where I would stop checking and then comes aggression - I don't give a damn!
I almost went into clinical depression sometime last year, screwed up my health and failed to stand up for myself and shine at a job I loved. The conscious me won at the wrong time, I let her win!
I have finally come to terms with a lot about myself, I have decided to speak up. Never hide!
I wish to urge all the young ladies and gentlemen reading this to take note and avoid as much damage possible, we don't need to be superheros (Marvels is there to take care of that) lets accept ourselves and care less about approval of others, you never know - they may have not read my post!
Battle after battle, the war will be won!
This morning when I got dressed up for a friendship day celebration at work (yes I work on Saturdays :( ) I asked Mr. Husband to take a picture of me for my before & after collection (BTW I am on a weight loss cycle again! This time on I am 100% at it) he took a good one with his iPhone 7+ and wallah! I look stunning - to him, of course and to me for the first time in a while! I sent the pic to my sister and she said - Make this your DP... and I was not sure!
I have been conscious of a lot of things in the 30 years being, so much that I would find comfort in hiding behind the crowd, this was perfectly normal till I met my split personality for the first time in school. This split is a center stage personality, demanding, crazy, loves to dance, can't keep the excitement to herself. Imagine the situation!
Coming back, I was again caught up between the conscious me and the me who does not give a damn! The question which keeps haunting is will this stay? If I had a good hair day, some one complements, will my hair stay the same? or will that vanish? Will there be a jinx? I have had several such weight loss cycles and have been flooded with complements even before social media, every time I remember, it has come back! That got me thinking, will this too vanish?
The carefree me won the battle (I posted the picture) but who will win the War?
The war is not with the weight, its with the feeling that I need to fit in. The war is with the thoughts of self hate!
I have or rather many of us have conditioned ourselves to feel less worthy than we are. Some of us feel inferior and hide, while some of us cover up with a mask of a rebel!
As a professional I complain about the typical carrot and stick management style of organisations around but hey, I am doing that to myself! The social media likes and comments are my carrot and the skipped meal after a bad week is the stick! Denial is the next phase where I would stop checking and then comes aggression - I don't give a damn!
I almost went into clinical depression sometime last year, screwed up my health and failed to stand up for myself and shine at a job I loved. The conscious me won at the wrong time, I let her win!
I have finally come to terms with a lot about myself, I have decided to speak up. Never hide!
I wish to urge all the young ladies and gentlemen reading this to take note and avoid as much damage possible, we don't need to be superheros (Marvels is there to take care of that) lets accept ourselves and care less about approval of others, you never know - they may have not read my post!
Battle after battle, the war will be won!
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